note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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