evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize