I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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