halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize