So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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