apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
