I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
