Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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