I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
