I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How does one acquire holy water?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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