all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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