Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
