is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
