I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
