dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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