dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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