you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
