I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
