you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
