I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think my moral compass just broke
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
