Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
