found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
