I feel like abortions should bother me more
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
