My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
50% drunk capacity currently
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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