Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
