oh god the rape fog is back!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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