Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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