Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
