you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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