Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
