I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Randomize
