im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
