I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
