Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
