we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
