Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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