dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
