Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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