i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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