Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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