she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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