My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
