I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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