i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
