I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
why didn't you poke me back
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
