Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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