remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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