Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
