just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize
