hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
