we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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