So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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