A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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