My friends, they love my intelligence
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
