Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
