So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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