is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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