if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize