a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
