WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
