his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
