No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let's get the cat blown out
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
