She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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