Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
True strength comes from lack of pants
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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