i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
