Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
