I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
