if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
wow bdsm is so cute
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
