My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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