when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
