Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize